What do you want?
"What do you want?"
The question threw me for a loop. My belly was full of rice pudding and pizza, my heart was pounding, and my upper lip was glistening with sweat. I had reached out to him on Twitter, coordinated a meeting via DM, and he got back to me a couple hours before my talk was scheduled to start. I had just navigated my way from the basement of the REI in SoHo, sprint-walking a few blocks to his office.
I was sitting across from the Founder and CEO of a company that's doing big things in the diabetes space. He had just told me about the work they're doing, the mission behind it, and some of the first words out of his mouth were about how diabetics can see this disease as a blessing or a curse. He was trying to help them see it as an opportunity.
Nodding like a bobblehead, I knew I was sitting in front of the right person. He gets it. After I rambled my way through my own diagnosis, the tour, and how I ended up sitting in this boardroom in NYC telling him my story, he looked me right in the eyes:
"What do you want?"
My body freaked out. Historically, this question had been weaponized, paired with a glare and a hiss. This was anything but. Other than my husband and the mentor who said I should look this guy up, nobody else had ever asked me that question with kind eyes and a clear intention of helping me get what I want.
"To sell books and help people? Is this a personal branding thing?" he continued.
My body recoiled. The words "personal branding" drive images of Internet Marketing Bros yelling about hustle culture. But, I've always wanted to be paid to be me, and yes, I want to sell books, and yes, I want to help people and yes, I want to make money, and save enough and/or meet the right people who can help us open the retreat center. If that's personal branding, then yes, that's what I want.
"Yes. That's what I want. I want to put a face to diabetes. I want to get my story in the hands of as many diabetics as possible." I said.
"Cool. I've got ideas," he replied.
I shared a bit about one of our big initiatives for next year. I could see his wheels turning. I could see his brilliant brain connecting dots between what we are building at HMF and what he's building with his company.
We agreed to stay in touch and reconnect toward the end of the year once things have calmed down for both of us. I passed him a business card and a sticker. We walked to his office so he could get a business card, and we shook hands.
"I appreciate you making this meeting happen while you were here," he said.
I could tell he was impressed by my drive, by my - dare I say it - hustle.
I smiled and thanked him for his time, and said I'd be in touch soon. As I walked to the elevator, I paused to turn around and look at the office space one more time.
Literally every move I've made, professionally or personally, has prepared me for this. The last time I felt this confident about my ability to articulate what I want professionally was when I was getting ready to graduate college. I was determined to work at the best PR agency in the world and I landed an internship there, got hired full-time there, and launched my career there.
When I got into the elevator, I looked at myself and felt the same spark I did way back then. People along the way have tried to dull my shine, my drive, and my ambition, and for several years, I allowed them to.
No more.
Never again.
I want what I want and I'm done feeling shame for dreaming so big.
Watch out world, Sydney got her groove back. 💃