Part Two: Hiking My Feelings in the Grand Canyon of the Tuolumne - Yosemite National Park

PART TWO // We don't talk anymore.

After deciding this trip was going to be an early celebration of the 3rd anniversary of my diabetes diagnosis, I had minimal expectations. The second trek across Catalina Island in 2018 had rearranged my life in such significant ways and I wanted to experience a backpacking trip for the sheer enjoyment of it. Of course if this trail has lessons, I'd be listening, but I was aiming for light, fun, and affirming versus flipping proverbial tables and ugly crying all over the trail.

Day one was our descent into the Grand Canyon of the Tuolumne, 12.42 miles and some 3,692 feet in elevation change on our way down. We meandered through forests, past firefighters tending to fallen trees, and past a few groups making their way up and out before we could see the canyon itself.

As we did, we were making small talk and landed on family. After KBong told us about his awesome brother, it was my turn.

"My sister and parents live in Florida. We don't talk anymore." I said, hoping that would be the end of it.

"Why not?" he asked.

I sighed.

"It's a long story, but we've got nothing else to do today, so here goes."

I shared the story in its entirety - my sister blaming me for my father's *potential* suicide, my father telling me my story is bullshit after I told him about my sexual assault for the first time, my mother asking me if maybe I've changed my story now that people are listening, and the boundaries that were established as result. This story used to get me worked up. I used to worry about what the people hearing the story would think of me for going no-contact with my own family, and I used to anticipate how I'd respond if they did. This time, it was like reciting facts from a history book. It is what it is, I am who I am, they are who they are. Progress. Healing. VICTORY!

When I felt like I had shared enough, I said: "So I think my next book is going to be about what it's like to be the black sheep who breaks the cycle of generational trauma."

I don't know if anyone would read that, but like my first book, I feel called to create the resource I needed when I was going through it.

Part three tomorrow!