Part Four: Hiking My Feelings up to Eagle Peak in Yosemite National Park
Proving myself wrong never felt so good. 💅
13+ miles. Nearly 4k of elevation gain. Several stops for exorcism-style energy moving through my body in the form of heavy sobbing and free-falling tears. I haven't battled my triggers or my internal soundtrack like this since the Trans-Catalina Trail last year.
This energy was buried deep, accessed only through intense physical activity like this hike.
When I set out to challenge myself in this way, I know it's going to get messy for a bit. Tears will flow. I will scream silently, keeled over, bracing myself for whatever comes after the negativity and doubt and fear courses through my veins.
As I made my way up this hunk of granite, I felt all my senses activate.
Waterfalls that sound like freight trains, blowing cool mist onto the trail, fat drops of water dripping from the trees, while a rainbow forms near the top of the lower fall. Inhaling sweet pine while miniature waterfalls create streams on the trail, hot sun mixed with cool breeze, my body uncertain of what to do with all of the sensory input. Snow hard-packed into 10+ foot banks, with bowls hollowed out around the base of the trees, the sound of snow melt trickling below my feet. Slogging through, scrambling over, and willing my feet to make the next step through the crunchy slushy slippery mess that is the final three miles to this summit, the trail nowhere to be found.
I've done more mileage in one day. I've done days back-to-back. But I've never in my life been so in tune with what is happening in my brain, body, and spirit as I am when I am hiking around Yosemite.
This place is a wonderland. A challenging paradise. I shed layers here. Unpacked my #traumapack a bit further here. Made plans for our future here. Rediscovered my youthful, playful energy here. I grew up here. I didn't quit here.
I kept going. One foot in front of the other. All the way to the top. Even when - especially when - it was hard.
The 40+ miles we've covered on foot around this park this week have connected me to a something bigger than myself, while shining a light on all the things I didn't know were still holding me back.
And for that, I will forever be grateful.