E7: The Ups + Downs of Life in the Mountains with Drew Petersen
When time spent outside is an integral part of your lifestyle, how do you cope when an injury keeps you indoors? When we avoid our emotional breaking point, what happens to our physical bodies? And how do we re-integrate after a period away from our favorite activities and places?
For Drew Petersen, skiing has been part of his life for as long as he can remember. Once a toddler on skis and now a professional skier, Drew has been exploring the intersections of mental health and time spent outside and connecting the dots on his own mental health journey. Ever the storyteller, Drew's latest film, Ups + Downs (2022), has started a new conversation about mental health in the outdoor community. But what led to the making of Ups + Downs? What is Drew working on now? And how can healing + sharing our stories shine a light on difficult topics and give others permission to do the same? Tune in to find out!
ABOUT OUR GUEST:
Drew Petersen is a professional skier who is on a mission to change our culture surrounding mental health. He blends his athletic adventures—ranging from skiing big lines in the backcountry to running 100 miles—with his storytelling as a writer and filmmaker in order to bring others along for the ride and to advocate for what he cares most about. As a skier, he has graced magazine covers, including one of the last covers of the now defunct Powder Magazine, and starred in dozens of award-winning ski films. His writing has appeared in Outside Magazine, Powder Magazine, SKI Magazine, and more publications. Most recently, Drew produced, co-directed, and starred in “Ups and Downs,” a mold-breaking film that mirrors the mountains and valleys of ski touring with his own mental health journey.
IN THIS EPISODE:
This conversation touches on topics like mental health, suicidal ideation, and other topics that may be sensitive for some listeners. We’re also going to be reveling in the beauty that is this life, talking about how to get back up after challenges and offer some tips to help you find your wellness in the wilderness. That said, We encourage you to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and we hope that if you stick around for the rest of the conversation, that you’ll find this chat to be a breath of fresh air and you’ll feel a little less alone by the time we’re done.
How did the film tour go for Ups + Downs?
How has the film been received by the community?
What happened between an accident in 2014 and the accident in 2017 (the one featured in Ups + Downs)
What does the process of healing look like?
The tangibility of physical injuries vs. emotional trauma and how that impacts the healing process.
What does 2023 have in store for Drew?
CONNECT WITH DREW:
LISTEN HERE:
SHOW TRANSCRIPT:
Please note, we use Otter.ai to transcribe episodes and while the technology is impressive, it’s not completely accurate. Please excuse any missed words, nonsensical sentences, and missed interpretations of foreign language below:
Announcer 00:00
Since 1984, sell your has existed to support your wildest adventures. Learn about their advanced insect repellents and family of technical Lightweight Water filters at sawyer.com. Welcome to Wellness in the Wilderness. Come with us on the trail of life as we inspire you to take a step outdoors to disconnect from the distractions and reconnect with yourself. Sydney Williams in her guests will motivate you to get active and get well. Now, here is Sydney.
Sydney Williams 00:37
All right, everybody, welcome to Wellness in the Wilderness. I'm your host Sydney Williams, author and founder of Hiking My Feelings and today I am broadcasting live. Oh my god, I'm so excited. I can take it from the ancestral lands of the Tongva people now known as Catalina Island where I will not be leaving until I go do tour stuff in the summer. I took a one way ferry ticket here yesterday, and I'm so excited. I'm singing, which is terrible. So it's fine. Um, so in light of this exciting news a few weeks ago, we mentioned that we were moving here now we're here we got here yesterday. And I just am kind of curious listeners. Have you ever had a day that went so smoothly that you're wondering if it was a dream or if it was real, because that was our day yesterday, we woke up and we had the most spectacular sunrise in San Diego, we ran a few errands on our way got out of town and we made our way up to Long Beach, where we dropped all of our stuff off at the barge and crossed our fingers that our ferry would make it to the island because there has been an atmospheric river pummeling California with rain for the past few weeks. And the weather forecast was awful. But fortunately, I have some trusty tools in my toolbox and instead of panicking, I just focus on like the possibility of everything going right. And if you're on tick tock apparently there's this thing called the lucky girl syndrome. I think I've got it guys like I think I am ready to be diagnosed with lucky girl syndrome. Because yesterday, everything went so smoothly. It was wild. Like we got to the island we are we got to all our stuff dropped off. Everything was easy. We're moving the ferry taking off, we're on a boat, the staff is really nice. We're meeting cool people, we get to the island, we're having pizza at our house. Everything's wonderful like I in this absence of like the hand of God or a unicorn horn or like whatever mystical and magical creatures you believe in. Like, I don't know how yesterday went as well as it did with a forecast with all the things that were up against us. And like we managed to just laugh our way through it all the way here. So after four and a half years of living and traveling in a van that is old enough to buy beer, we are slowly but surely figuring out how to be house people again. And we'll be sharing more about that and what we're up to out here in future episodes. But for now, we're just soaking up all the good vibes and taking a nice deep exhale. So like, if you're with me, let's just all take a deep breath together because it feels good, y'all. It feels so good to breathe. So I'm going to breathe in. I'm going to not breathe out really loud because you don't want to hear that but breathe out. Yes. Okay, so, since my interview with Natalie Small founder of Groundswell Cpmmunity Project, she's the one that runs a surf therapy program for women all around the world. She made a really cool distinction between presencing and processing. And I've been really chewing on that. I mean, if you listen to the episode, I like fan girl when she said it, because it like was this lightbulb moment for me where I understood everything we've been building and Hiking My Feelings with just two words processing and presencing. And I'm so inspired by it and I can't stop thinking about it. But we decided to add a segment about presencing and processing to the show and also in our newsletter. So if you don't listen to the rest of the episode, which I think would be basically a crime to yourself, your mental health and your spiritual heart. If you didn't listen to my interview with Drew Peterson today, but if this is all you listened to, I'm gonna give you two tips one for your processing tip. This week I want you to take a few minutes and just free write about how January has been for you so far. What is the weather been like? How have you been feeling mentally physically spiritually? Have you had any really great meals? If you're pursuing a New Year's resolution? How is it going just think about January so far. Process it pull up the things you like, think about the things that you want to improve and go from there. It's awesome presencing practice of the week. The weather has been absolutely brutal for most of the country this year especially us and by brutal in Southern California. I mean like it's raining and I'm sad about it but like it's been kind of wild out there so if you haven't been outside yet this week because you're like snowed in like actually snowed in like my friends are up in Mammoth right now. Go outside, like maybe like, I don't know, if you have to like dig your way out then maybe you make a tunnel, I don't know. But tap into all your senses and just like get present in your body with the weather wherever you're at. And like think about where the sun's coming from. If it's out what is the wind doing, it's all fun. It's all good. So there's that. Now, the only thing that I have left to do on my get to do list it's not a have to do list. It's a get to do list because I love that I get to do this is to share time and space with our guests today. So let's get into it. Drew Peterson is a professional skier who is on a mission to change our culture surrounding mental health. He blends his athletic adventures ranging from skiing big lines in the backcountry to running 100 miles with his storytelling as a writer and filmmaker in order to bring others along for the ride and to advocate for what he cares most about. The sounds so familiar. Like if I was a skier and a dude like Drew, maybe we're kind of the same interesting. As a skier. He's graced many magazine covers because he's a total baller, including one of the last covers of the now defunct Powder Magazine and starred in dozens of award winning ski films. I didn't know that and now we need to ask questions. This is it really my whole episode? It's fine, I'll get it. His writing has appeared in Outside Magazine, Powder Magazine, Ski Magazine, and more publications. And most recently, if you'll remember your homework, dear listeners, Drew produced, co directed and starred in his film Ups and Downs, which is a mold breaking film that mirrors the mountains and valleys of ski touring with his own mental health journey, ups and owns in skiing, ups and downs and hiking, you guys, these parallels the synchronicities. I'm losing it, it's going to be such a good time. And before we get started, I do want to let you know today's conversation will touch on topics like mental health, suicidal ideation, and other topics that may be sensitive for some of our listeners, we're also going to be reveling in the beauty that is this life, we're going to be taking deep breaths, we're gonna be talking about how to get back up after challenges and offer some tips to help you find your version of wellness in the wilderness. So with all that said, we encourage you to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. And we hope that you stick around for the rest of the conversation, and that you'll find this chat to be a fresh breath of fresh air, and maybe, hopefully, probably feel a little bit less alone by the time we're done. Okay, that was a lot. You're welcome. I live on Catalina. I'm so excited. I'm here with Drew Peterson. Welcome to the show, Drew. How you doing today?
Drew Peterson 06:39
Thanks, Sydney. I'm psyched to be here. It'd be fun to do a live interview don't normally get to do these.
Sydney Williams 06:44
Awesome. Well, I was gonna ask you if you're ready for a great day, but you're already psyched to be here. So I'm guessing you are ready for a great day. You're having a great day.
Drew Peterson 06:51
I am definitely already having a great day and definitely ready to keep that rolling.
Sydney Williams 06:56
All right. Well, like I said in the intro, I gave her listeners some homework, I asked them to watch your latest films Ups and Downs. So they too, could have a good cathartic cry. Maybe that's just me, and have a little context for our conversation today. So at the end of last year, you were on tour with the film, let's jump in from there. What have you been up to between the tour and travel? And how did it all go?
Drew Peterson 07:20
Yeah, I've kind of been all over the place. And we've actually been showing this film for a year and a half at this point, started showing it in the fall of 2021. And then released it online last winter in 2022. And since then, I've been showing it at select events, mostly public speaking events, where we're trying to open up a conversation on mental health. And my favorite part about this film and about this past, you know, really two years of my life of getting to share more of myself with the world is getting to connect with people, especially in person. So when we get to show the film in person, it's a really heartwarming and empowering experience. Because all these places I get to go, I get to actually see the faces of the people that it's resonating with and get to see the faces and get to hug people who it's hopefully helping.
Sydney Williams 08:14
Yeah, there really is something special about the power of an in person meeting versus zoom or connecting over like DMS or liking the posts and leaving comments and stuff. Are there any moments that stick out to you where you were just like, whoa, because this I mean, to get to the point of being able to share this story is what we're going to talk about today. But kind of like a fast forward preview for the audience. What What has that been like? Have you just been like, blown away by it? Does this feel like what you've always been meant to do? Like, how are you feeling about all of the great reception to this film?
Drew Peterson 08:55
Yeah, there's, there's a lot in there to unpack for sure. Which I guess it's good that we have an hour. But you know, for the listeners, my film and a lot of what I've been doing for the past couple years is sharing my personal story of mental health struggles, and especially going all the way deep to my struggles with suicidal thoughts. And through that experience, I constantly have these Whoa, moments, especially with people's reactions. Like, you know, I've had multiple 300 pound bearded men covered in tattoos come up to me and ask if they can give me a hug. And honestly, the ones that mean the most to me are when little kids thanked me for making this film and thanked me for making them feel seen. Because trying to reach those kids out there is exactly my biggest goal because at one point in time, I was that young kid who was struggling with suicidal thoughts even at a young age, and if I could have seen or heard a pro skier talk about these things, then it would have changed my entire life. So getting to create That space is really powerful. And, you know, the flip side of that is being able to help families as a whole. I've had moms thank me, who have lost a son or daughter to suicide, and thanked me for helping them understand better why their son or daughter left then and mean, what could be a greater gift in life than being able to help facilitate that for other people? And, you know, like, kind of the last point of your question, I really do feel like I've found my purpose and my North Star and why I'm, you know, on this planet, and why I have this opportunity to be able to share myself with the world. And that's to help other people and to move our conversation on mental health forwards.
Sydney Williams 10:47
Oh, my gosh, I just between, like, I have this vision of like, some little kid just like, look it up with big, big bearded Drew and being like, Hey, man, I feel seen Thank you like that is that is the core of all of this. And I think it's just, I've been talking a lot about how I think that our journeys are kind of similar and that you're going around talking about your film is the vehicle through which you share your story. My book is the vehicle through which I share my story. And there's something about the kid thing that's just really moving me, as I'm sitting here thinking about it, and that I've never had the experience of seeing like a young child, come forward and be like, Hey, thanks for making me feel seen. I know that there are young children that experienced the things that I've been through, I know that there's kids that will, that will have been through what I've been through that I described in my book, but man, like the in person, impact with a child and then also bringing that together with a family who's lost children. What a gift. Drew, I mean, honestly, if nothing else, like if it all ended tomorrow, if this black hole of the universe sinks into itself, or whatever they're saying is going to happen. If there's some comet that comes out of nowhere and we're all just kaput. At the end of the day today. You've done it, man. Like how that's so awesome. And is I'm not a skier. I've never skied, like, I went to Colorado when I was 16. And we've watched people ski, but I've never actually done it. Is there a lot of this happening in the in the ski community? And by Is there a lot of this I mean, like, are people openly talking about this are you like, kind of pioneering this conversation?
Drew Peterson 12:35
This conversation in the ski world is moving a lot, but it definitely needed to get more of a jumpstart. In, in our world, in the ski community in the Mountain West, there is a mental health and suicide crisis. Seven of the Rocky Mountain states consistently rank in the top 10 highest suicide rates in the US. And a lot of that is due to suicide clusters in ski towns, places like Aspen Telluride, like my hometown, Summit, County, Colorado. And that conversation doesn't only need to happen, but what I've really learned is that these communities want it to happen. And for me, you know, like I said, If I could have heard a pro skier talking about this, when I was a kid, my whole life would be different. And to be honest, I didn't have an inspiration, who I looked up to in skiing, in terms of everything that we're talking about in terms of mental health, and also about being my true self. And so that's what I saw the opportunity to, you know, hopefully help start that. And there are some other people who are, you know, joining this conversation and people who also, you know, had had some whispers or pieces of it before me too, that helped open that space for me. So just want to keep opening that space for more people. Because as we open space for more people, they're gonna come in and keep paying that forward. And I really do believe that that is how we, you know, create momentum for our community.
Sydney Williams 14:09
Oh, my gosh, I I know what you said about the mental health and suicide crisis in ski towns specifically, because I've follow you and you're an advocate for this. But for folks that aren't familiar, is there like, is there any kind of understanding as to what is contributing to these clusters and why these particular towns are suffering so, so deeply?
Drew Peterson 14:33
Yeah. There's a lot going on. It's it's really difficult to unpack it and condense it all into a simple Why is this happening? But a lot of it boils down to a dissonance. We have what a really great journalist Kelly Manley first coined as the paradise paradox. We live in this amazing place where people come on vacation, and they want a taste of what our lives are like. And while that is true, we live in paradise, we're living the dream, quote unquote. There are also things that are hard about that there's a lot of economic disparity here. There's a lot of transient and seasonal communities in these places. And those are concurrently problems that add up. And, you know, we don't address them. And then there's a lack of access to behavioral or mental health care, especially in these rural areas, and then especially in mountain towns. And really, it's, you know, what I've experienced through my life is understanding that my story is really the story of our community, because a lot of these, you know, reasons and factors that are contributing to this crisis at large are things that were part of my life, you know, it things like everything that I just mentioned. But you know, it also goes into like drug and alcohol abuse, like I was reluctant to admit that my problem with alcohol was part of what was going on for me. But that's something that our community needs to come to grips with as well. And I think that there's also just an attraction of people who want to experience a high vibrance level of life to these communities. And a lot of that high vibrance also can lead to, you know, the flip side of those high highs, which is low lows. So, you know, like, I'm, like I said, my story is the story of our community. And that's why I think it's resonating. And that's why I'm gonna keep using it to help other people.
Sydney Williams 16:33
Oh, man, I love that. So for the folks that didn't do the homework, the film Ups and Downs highlights an incident that happened in 2017, and everything that happened afterwards. But that isn't just like, any good film, you just jump into the middle of the story, and you start telling it, it's like an improv class. But there's so much more that led to the story that you were able now able to share. So when we get back, we're going to be talking about what happens when we avoid an emotional Breaking Point and how sometimes when we do that, our bodies take the brunt of that avoidance. I know for me personally, this has been the case with regards to some of the trauma I've endured, and how that contributed to a chronic illness diagnosis. And I'm really interested to hear how this played out for Drew and his mental health and skiing and just everything that was coming together between 2014 leading up to the incident that the film up in 2017. So we're going to do a little bit of backstory, discovery when we get back so don't go anywhere. We'll be right back with Drew Peterson.
Announcer 17:49
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Sydney Williams 20:25
All right, everybody, welcome back to Wellness in the Wilderness. I'm Sydney Williams, and I'm here with Drew Peterson. Before the break, we were talking about all kinds of things, we talked about how Drew made this incredible film called Ups and Downs, which if you haven't watched it yet, please go do that immediately. Just go Google it, you'll find it. It's everywhere. And it's amazing. We were also talking about how we got into this whole situation with just the mental health crisis, specifically in the ski community. But let's be honest, it's happening around America. And so because Drew's film is so awesome, and it picks up at this incident in 2017, and it is now informing us of the story that he's now able to tell, we all know that things happen, before we get to the point of where we're able to share a story. So Drew, I would love to pick it up where we left off before the break, talk to me about what happened between 2014 and 2017. And how you were avoiding some of the emotional breaking points and how your body took the brunt of that.
Drew Peterson 21:24
Yeah, it really extends like, for my entire life, for me personally, because these emotional and mental struggles had been going on since I was a little kid. But, you know, a lot of my story gets boiled down to and a lot of focus of the film is my accident in 2017. But well before that I've been having a lot of physical struggles, including accidents and injuries. So in 2014, actually on January 15 2014. So coming up on the anniversary of that, I had this accident, where I dislocated my hip, my shoulder, partially torn my ACL, broke a few ribs, and I broke my sacrum. And that is just a laundry list of things to deal with. And being able to come back from that was really doubted. I think for most people, it would have been the end of any hope of a skiing career of a professional skiing career. But I was young and stubborn. And I stuck with it. But through that really almost two years of rehab to get back to full strength. I had to examine a lot of these parts of myself for the first time. But I didn't go all the way deep because I was trying to treat what was on the surface. I was trying to treat my hip, I was trying to treat my shoulder, when in reality, I had a lot going on much deeper down. And that that emotional burden that I've been carrying for my whole life started to add up. And you know, I kept getting injured more and more frequently. And then that led to 2017, which is what we focus on in the film. And in 2017, I was on a road trip to climb and ski the highest peak in every state of the American West. And we were on Mount Hood in Oregon. And while transitioning my skis to go from skiing to climbing, there was the crack of rock fall. And when we're in the mountains, that crack is super distinct for anybody who's ever heard rock fall. And when that happens, there's not time to look up and see where it's coming from all you can do is turtle over and hope that it doesn't hit you. And in this moment, on this day, it was the first sign it was the first sound that we heard of any rock fall across an entire mountainside. And that rock fell directly on top of me. And it was about the size of a microwave and it fell on the back of my head hit me in the middle of my upper back and on my left arm. And that's the accident that we really focus on when we're talking about this story. But it's also a culmination of a lifetime of suppressing my emotional and mental struggles. And what that accident in 2017 did was that it put me into a situation so dire that I had to face what was really going on and I had to face these parts of myself. And granted it didn't happen immediately. But I now am grateful for that rock and this is what I say in the film because my gratitude for that rock is really a result of it giving me this opportunity for a turning point in my life where I was able to start examining myself and it really gave me a second chance at life to become the man and the human that I want to be.
Sydney Williams 24:47
Okay everybody breathe in and breathe out. I I'm visualizing how horrifying and I mean you have some of the footage from that day like we hear the rock fall we hear it hit we see you turtle, we see your like camera in the snow, we hear your like groaning, which for me is a very distinct reminder of the videos of my friends who passed away on skydives or base jumps gone wrong, like you can hear them before they pass away. Like you hear that grunting and like the assessing of like, what's happening with my physical body. And I think the part that is really interesting for me, is how this physical thing opened up the opportunity to examine the mental things in a deeper way. And for me, it was kind of the same thing. And I'm wondering, like, if there's listeners listening that have had like, some kind of physical complication, whether it's an injury or a diagnosis. Has that been true for you as well, listeners, I want to know, because for me, I was diagnosed with type two diabetes, and I was like, Oh, this is my rock. This is my microwave shaped rock coming down and hitting me on the head like this is the this is the catalyst for change. This is my opportunity to evaluate, like, Why do I have this illness? What contributed to this? And so when you talk about all of the injuries between 20, like what a list, on 2014, I'm sorry, like dislocated hip, you say you fractured your sacrum, like I just all of it is a lot. So what what were some of your first steps coming out of 2014? That knowing what you know, after the 2017 incident, like would you have done anything differently in 2014, with that laundry lists compared to how you handle the laundry list from the 2017 accident?
Drew Peterson 26:35
Yes. I'd do a lot of things differently with the entire, you know, first two decades plus of my life. But I think a lot of it boils down to, you know, getting into and growing into true acceptance of the situation. Because the path that I've been on in recent years, has shown me that interior acceptance, we're able to, you know, dig deep and fully heal, not just heal what's on the surface and not just heal the physical manifestations. So that's the biggest thing that I would have done differently. Now, I would also quit drinking, I'd put more time in the gym, I'd eat healthier, and I'd sleep a hell of a lot more. But that's not nearly as poetic or as good of a story as we're telling here.
Sydney Williams 27:39
Well, and I think one of the things too, that is interesting to me is like, with the 2017 incident, because that you had you know, some more time under your belt, you've spent some extra time like all the injuries that led up to that injury, you have all this experience that you're building, you're adding tools to your toolbox. Is there anything for you where you're like, Okay, I have this physical injury, and it's an I can like, see how it's tied to this emotional thing, this mental health issue, this thing that I experienced the things that I was like how I was as a kid, are you so in tune with what you've got going on? In this mind body space, that you can kind of connect those dots? Is that is that part of your process?
Drew Peterson 28:28
At that point in time? No. Okay, but no, to some degree, yes. Yeah. You know, even now, the real like, example of that intersection of the mind body connection for me, is that when I get stressed out, or, you know, get really anxious, I can feel a tightening of pain in my upper back, which is exactly where that rock hit me. And for especially those first three years after the accident, that pain never went away. Because I was always stressed out, I was depressed. And I was feeling the weight of that, you know, metaphorically, but literally, I was feeling the weight of that rock still in my back. And now I still do today. So when I feel when I feel that pain cropping up in my upper back, I know that that's a warning sign and a bit of a yellow you know stoplight to say, Hey, pay attention to this so that it doesn't grow into something more and so that I'm able to relax into that moment and grow into that acceptance so that you know, it doesn't manifest itself in another injury.
Sydney Williams 29:44
Beautiful. I have nothing to add. My next question is on the in the space of acceptance. Where did you come to move into acceptance did you have to help of a therapist? So where are you self taught? Like, where did you get the information that helps you start to connect these dots and find acceptance for what you experienced.
Drew Peterson 30:09
Bottom line is it took a lot of time and a lot of work. That's really what it boils down to. Because after 2017, it's not like I just immediately knew that something was wrong, and that I needed to get help and see a therapist, like I definitely knew something was wrong, but I think, but back then I thought that I could, you know, literally run away from my problems with trail running in the mountains or, or ski away my problems or drink away my problems. And that just didn't work. So it took over a year, it took 15 months for me to finally get to a point where I finally knew that I needed to ask for help. And what it took to get to that point was being in the scariest suicidal point in my life up to that point. And since then, I learned how to ask for help I got a therapist, I went into deep therapy to heal PTSD. After that, you know, a full year afterwards, I was diagnosed with type two bipolar disorder and post concussion syndrome, with the lingering effects of multiple concussions with the largest of which being from that rock fall accident. And really, it was through building that care team around me, my therapist, my physical therapist, my neurologist, to be able to create this lifestyle and this safe place, and the support system to be able to grow into that acceptance. And you know, that acceptance doesn't just come as a result of a decision. And the benefits of it certainly don't come as a result of a decision. It comes through working through all of the all of the pain, and it comes through working through a lot of the dark memories and wounds and scars that I have that go much deeper than the scars from something like the rock fall accident. And then it also comes from a lot of introspection, and comes from a lot of time with myself, while it's great to have that support team and care team. Ultimately, this is an inside job. And it took a lot of looking inwards, took a lot of time alone, you know, primarily for me out in the mountains, but also and when I wasn't physically able to be out there. And you know, going on long trail runs or being able to go on long ski tours, it was as simple as going for a walk in the trees, and being able to be with myself and sit with myself and really, you know, unpack what was going on and come to terms with it.
Sydney Williams 32:42
I am curious about the the space that you were in between recognizing that there is healing that needs to be done. And its relationship to how you spend time outside because one of the things that you said was I can go ski away my problems, I can trail run away my problems. And in my head, I'm thinking, Well, when I first got diagnosed with diabetes, like the reason Hiking My Feelings exists is because it was in context to my diabetes diagnosis like before diabetes, I was eating and drinking my feelings. And then I discovered through caring for myself and managing my diabetes via hiking. I realized like if I was going to be good at being a diabetes patient, because I love getting gold stars, and I really love getting straight A's. If I was gonna be the best diabetes patient My doctor has ever seen. I can't keep eating and drinking my feelings. And so hiking was like my new thing. And that was like, Oh, this is my new coping mechanism. And so for me my relationship with the outdoors initially, like, I was a skydiver. I was on the women's rowing team at the University of Kansas, but like as far as like outdoors activities, not just like being outside, like focusing specifically on these kinds of things like hiking and backpacking. For me. I've always been of the mindset that like, this is where I go to heal. So was there a period of time where you realized, I've been running from my problems, I've been skiing away my problems to where now this time spent outside is part of your healing procedure.
Drew Peterson 34:11
Skiing and running and time in the mountains were always, you know, a coping mechanism. And for most of my life, they were the only thing in my toolbox to process and heal myself. But that came, you know, that's not enough at some point in time, because like after the rock fall accident, I just tried to get back on skis. And I figured if I get back on skis and I go skiing, you know, then everything will be right in the world. And it wasn't, it was still really painful, physically and mentally. And then I figured, oh, you know, things will change after next winter. It doesn't. And so And that really hampered and put a dampening effect on my relationship with skiing and honestly in my relationship with the mountains in my outdoor pursuits, because these things that used to be what kept me going and that were the positive outlet weren't enough anymore. And so even while engaging with them, I was still struggling, I was still depressed. And because of that, that's when I needed to reach outside of that toolbox into real healthcare into talk therapy. And by doing so, it opened up this space in myself to be able to reengage with the mountains, reengage with skiing, reengage with trail running in a way that now I have a much richer experience with those, you know, activities. And those activities are now only one component of what I call my mental health toolbox. Because now that they're one component, I'm able to fully be present and fully enjoy them for what they are, rather than trying to lean on them as the only thing that I can rely on to have any semblance of happiness or stability in my life. And now I get to be emboldened, and, you know, every single day that I get to get on my skis, I feel like I'm having as much fun as when I was a little kid, you know. And that's, that's the magic in healing myself from within is that now I'm able to engage with the world, and with what I love most in a much fuller sense, and it is the best version of life that I could possibly imagine. And that's part of why when I get to share this with other people, I pass on that we're all capable of that. Because if we're all able to build this healthier lifestyle, and build a foundation for ourselves, then the things that we like to engage in that right now might be just coping mechanisms, and the only way to make it through are going to be that much more fun, they're going to be that much better. And, you know, that's, that's a huge breakthrough. And something that I don't think that I would have ever imagined I would be able to make happen. If it wasn't for having to go through the full breadth of that experience.
Sydney Williams 37:17
Ah, oh my god, I love it. Like if you guys were on this zoom right now, like I'm dancing in my seat, I'm like, he feels like a kid. He's up in the mountains. Life is good. I can think of like what you were describing, kind of putting that on my like experience and tying these things, these stories together in our experiences together, because we're all connected so deeply way more than we are separated. And I firmly believe that having conversations like these, how we remind ourselves of that and bring that connection closer together. But the visual in my mind was, like I said, hiking was the way that I was able to process everything that I hadn't processed up until I started hiking seriously and 2017 2018. And I remember I was on the Highline Trail at Glacier National Park. And I was skipping and I was like, wait a minute, because every other hike that I had done, I had been crying or processing or moving through something. And I was like, You mean people do this for fun? Oh, my God. And it was just like this turning point where I was like, I like, the mountains were prettier, the sky was better. Like it was just a totally different experience. So when we get back, we're gonna be talking about all kinds of healing stuff like what is the process of healing between physical and emotional? How do these things all tie together? What does Drew have coming up in 2023? What does life look like for him? And if you have questions about any of this at all, please give us a call 1-888-346-9141 We'd love to take your questions. If you just want to shout out somebody that's brave and telling an awesome story and who's making the world a better place simply by being themselves. If you find that inspiring, and you want to pass along some gratitude today, give us a call. If you have questions, we'd love to hear from you. We'll be right back.
Announcer 39:12
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Sydney Williams 41:47
All right, everybody. Welcome back. I'm Sydney Williams, your host for Wellness in the Wilderness and I'm here with Drew Peterson, professional skier, filmmaker, mental health advocate all around just epic human being. And before we jump into this last segment, one of the things that somebody said to me, my friend Travis, who is a world champion skydiver multiple times over, we were visiting him and his wife, Hannah, also a world champion skydiver, back in 2019 on our tour, and one of the things that Travis said, like I was telling him about what we're building with Hiking My Feelings, I'm sharing my stories like Sydney. Trauma is not a scratch, it is an open wound, and we have to treat it as such. And so then on my speaking tour, 60, something stops around the country. 140 stops total with the hikes and stuff, I can't tell you how many times I've said the sentence. Trauma is not a scratch, it is an open wound. Like if I was sitting here, with my arm, broken bone sticking out of skin, we'd be like, Hey, guys, great podcast, but like seriously get to the hospital Drew would be like I'm done. Somebody called a medics, here we go. But we don't always do that with mental health. And I think it's really important that we have conversations like the ones Drew and I are having today. To help everybody realize one, you're not alone. Like your your, your experience may be different. The degree to which you suffer, maybe higher or lower. But like, none of this is a competition, we're all so much more alike than we are different. We're all deeply connected, even if all the forces in the culture we live in today want to keep us separate from that and from each other. So Drew when we're talking about healing, and the process of doing it, especially when we've got such like, I don't want to say beautiful example. Because I hate that you've experienced the things that you've experienced. And I genuinely wish that your life was like super easy, and we'd ever had to have this conversation. But that's not the planet we're living on. And those aren't the experiences we're having. What about this healing process has been fulfilling for you? That's the question.
Drew Peterson 43:43
Honestly, what's most fulfilling is coming to terms with that I don't want a life that's easy. I don't want a life that's comfortable. I want to experience the full breadth of the human experience. And getting to go through this process and having the opportunity to live this truly is beautiful. And it's an opportunity that I don't think a lot of people have on this planet, especially go through at a young age. And for that I'm super grateful and, and that's what's most fulfilling is because I get to go through this process. And I get to see such a breadth of the human experience. And I get to learn those lessons and be able to apply them for the rest of my life, because my life could very easily have ended much younger than this could have ended in that rock fall accident. But you know, a lot of people refer to that as a near death experience for me. But I was contemplating on this yesterday and really like I lived in near death experience every single day when I was in a suicidal episode. So my life could easily be over by now. And now I have hopefully a long healthy lifetime ahead of me, you know, but what's most fulfilling about that is that I've gotten to learn these I've had the opportunity to learn these lessons, and then I'll be able to keep learning them and be able to keep applying them and sharing them. So that's what's most fulfilling.
Sydney Williams 45:10
So when we're thinking about the difference between healing physical trauma and emotional trauma, or physical health, mental health, when you break a bone, right, you have like the prognosis like, you're either gonna, you're gonna go in a cast, and you're going to need six to eight weeks to do this before you can be weight bearing whatever the diagnosis is, prognosis is, when we have physical injuries, I feel like, you might want to be in a bit of a hurry to get back to the thing that you can't do, because you're injured. But there's this understanding that this is how much time this takes. When it comes to healing and mental health and stuff like that. Are you like me? And the second that you discover that this is something that you wanted to heal? Did you feel like, I want to do it all right now all the time, oh, my god, let's go heal it. Let's go? Or was this also an opportunity to kind of slow down and recognize, like, this is a process?
Drew Peterson 46:04
Yeah, you know, there's a lot of different parts in there. And, like, at first, I, you know, I figured that what was going on was PTSD. Like, everything matched up with it was very traumatic experience of just having a post traumatic stress response, pretty constantly in my life. So, you know, the therapist, I went to had experience treating PTSD with veterans. And I figured, okay, let's just heal this PTSD, that's from the accident, and I'll be good to go. You know, it'll be like, I just got an oil change and tuned up the car. And, you know, I can get back to it, no worries. And so that's the energy that I tried to attack that with and address it with. And what's amazing, actually about PTSD is that you can heal it. And I did, like, now I can talk about the oxygen, I can hear rock fall, and it's all okay, you know, I might be more conscious of parts and pieces, but I am healed from that experience. But what I didn't realize at that point in time was that healing, what was on the surface was going to open up much more of what was lying underneath. And that is when I had to learn that there was going to be a process. And you know, I love the example that you're talking about with how we treat physical injuries, because I had the exact experience. You know, later on in my journey, probably in 2019. At this point, I was going through concussion rehab, and I showed up one day to physical therapy for concussion rehab, and I was just out of sorts, I was struggling to not cry. When I walked in the room, I didn't want to talk to my physical therapist, and I broke down cry. And I apologized to her for being such a mess. And she's like, whoa, hold up right there. If you, if you tore a ligament in your knee, if you broke your ankle, and you came to me, and you asked me for help, then that would be totally normal, you would be okay asking me for help, we would heal it, we would address it. It's there's no difference with the brain. And you know, a lot of that I think comes down to tangibility. Because when we see a broken bone, or when you have an MRI that shows there's a ligament torn in your knee, that's tangible, something to look to something to point at something that has a very simple black and white, this is broken. For me. Mental illness is not nearly as tangible. While it is a chemical imbalance in our brains, there's not something to simply point out and explain it. Black and white, the middle ground there. And this is actually a big breakthrough for me is concussion, because concussion is invisible. But it is tangible. So when I figured out that post concussion syndrome, which is basically just the After Effects, and continued deficits, and continued symptoms from past concussions, when I figured out that that was going on, just like hey, it's still invisible, but this is tangible. It means there's a reason. And then that's also what mental health diagnoses do. So like for the, from the beginning, it was PTSD for me. But then later on, I was diagnosed with type two bipolar disorder. And having a diagnosis was again, this validating experience of like, hey, it's still not black and white and concrete. We don't have a picture of it. But it's tangible enough to know that something's going on. And when something's going on, we know what it is. That also means that we can address it and then there's path forwards. And you know, really figuring out how that all interacts and figuring out that tangibility of what I was going through is what helped me dive into it as a process so that I could actually heal all of these layers rather than just trying to address it, like heal this get back, and I'll be good as normal.
Sydney Williams 50:14
I think that's a really like the the language that you're using to describe this kind of just unlock something for me and that we were talking about the physical injuries and the tangibility of that. And I think also just from a healing process too like for the mental health side of things. The tangibility of like, I can't see my depression, I mean, you can once you know the signs and stuff, but like there's not like a, your brain isn't like broken when you have depression or when you're living with anxiety. But I think like also just on the healing aspect on the mental health side of things like the second that I understood that this was going to be a lifelong journey for me, and that it can't be done overnight, nor should it be attempted overnight, was the biggest exhale, and like the most beautiful permission that I never would have given myself, because we're so wired to just like, crank it out and get it done. And like turn in your work and get your new car and make all the money and have your kids and do your house and all these things. Like just to settle into what it means to be healing. What a beautiful gift. That is spectacular. So talk to me about 2023 You're working on a new film, you've got public speaking engagements that you're working on, and you'd like to do more of tell me about what 2023 has in store for you Drew?
Drew Peterson 51:26
Yeah, that's just as a segue. The real reason that I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing is because all of this is a lifelong, lifelong process, lifelong journey, like you say. And that's something that I always want to hammer home with people is I don't have this all figured out. It's not all unicorns and rainbows at this point. But I'm committed to that path of growth, I'm committed to that continued process. So on that note, 2023, whoo I'm excited for a new year, it's nice to have a clean slate, got some fun stuff coming up. So right now I'm working on a new film, which is, again, going to be you know, mental health related. This film is all filmed in my home state of Colorado, which I'm super proud of. So last spring, in May, I skied a bunch of the peaks that surround the course of the Leadville 100, which is an iconic, ultra running trail race. And then in August, I ran the Leadville, 100, through those peaks that I had skied in May. And through that experience, and being able to document both sides of that, we're going to be telling a story of mental health, and about my connection to the mountains. So I'm super excited to be working on that. And then, you know, got a lot of other things in the in the cooker right now. I really believe in not talking about something until you're bringing it to fruition. So some of that will stay hidden. But the other thing that I've really been focusing on lately, and that I'm going to keep going on in 2023 is public speaking, because I really believe that opening space for these conversations in person is what is going to be the most powerful for people. And especially, you know, like I said, my communities in the Rocky Mountain West, that's what I want to focus on. So through public speaking, and, you know, it's cool with that too, because it's going far past my communities into the mainstream, into you know, I had a speaking gig in Tampa, Florida last month, which is crazy area, wildland firefighting base. And, you know, those are the experiences where I know that just by being human, just by sharing our real selves, were able to connect on a much deeper level than, you know, skiing or running or simply a connection to the mountains. And so that's where I'm putting my energy and that's what I'm gonna keep going on for 2023.
Sydney Williams 53:50
I love it. So everybody, if you aren't already following Drew, you can follow him on Instagram at @DrewPeterski. And you can go to Drew-petersen.com to check out ups and downs and all the other cool stuff that Drew's working on. Thank you so much drew for joining us for this episode of Wellness in the Wilderness. Next week, I'll be chatting with Emily Henkel. Her story is tragic and triumphant. It is haunting and healing and it is a story of love and loss. After a fall in Death Valley National Park in 2021. She was stranded for six days, during which the love of her life Alex did not survive. We're going to be chatting with Emily about how to return to the spaces that bring so much joy and carry so many painful memories, so be sure to tune in. Thank you for joining us for this week's dose of Wellness in the Wilderness. I sincerely hope that today's conversation with Drew was a breath of fresh air. I look forward to connecting with you again next week on Tuesday at 1pm Pacific on the voice America empowerment channel. Don't forget to subscribe to our Wellness in the Wilderness newsletter at hikingmyfeelings.org/wellness. And that's it for us today. So until next week, take good care of yourself. Take good care of each other. Dream big and be kind. We'll see you next week.
Announcer 55:02
Thanks for joining us on this week show. We hope this episode has been a breath of fresh air for you and has inspired you to find your wellness in the wilderness. We will reconnect with nature and new again next week. Since 1984, Sawyer has existed to support your wildest adventures, learn about their advanced insect repellents and family of technical Lightweight Water filters at sawyer.com